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Template: Intan Aqilah
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Apology
Sunday, September 26, 2010; 5:58 AM

Bismillah...


People always judge a book by its cover even though there is wisdom, "don't judge a book by its cover". So, it is ok if the book doesn't have a cover at all so that people can't judge them. hik2. Thats not the case. I want to talk about apology today :)



**************************


"Maaf. Pengubahsuaian sedang dijalankan."

"Harap maaf, nombor yang anda dail, tidak dapat dihubungi."

"Minta maaf bang, ais dah habis la."

"Maaf. Kaunter ditutup. Sila ke kaunter sebelah."

"Maaf, saya tak sengaja."

"Maaf ye puan, waktu melawat sudah pun tamat."

"Maaf kalau saya bertanya, awak sudah berpunya?"

"Selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin."

"Ampunkan patik, tuanku."


Maaf. Perkataan ini seakan sudah sinonim dalam kehidupan kita sehari-hari. Ungkapan maaf sering kali dilafazkan tidak kira di mana juga. Maaf. Sorry. Asif. Dalam apa bahasa sekali pun, ungkapan ini seakan mempunyai 'magic' dan nilainya yang tersendiri. Namun, ungkapan ajaib ini tidak boleh dilafazkan sewenang-wenangnya tanpa mengerti erti sebenar kemaafan. Jika tidak, hilanglah kuasa ajaib yang terdapat pada unkapan maaf.




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Apology has the power to heal individuals, couple, adn families. Almost like magic, apology can mend our relationships, soothe our wounds and hurt pride, and heal our broken heart.


When we apologize to someone we have hurt, disappointed, neglected, or betrayed, we give them a wonderful gift that is far more healing than almost anything else we can give. By apologizing we let the other person know that we regret having hurt him or her. Just as important, we let this person know we respect her and we care about her feelings.


There is no doubt that we should be able to forgive. But we can't always do so. Many people are unable to forgive, no matter how hard they try. Apology is the missing key. Think of an incident when you felt wronged by another person. What did you want from the person in order to forgive him or her? Most peoples say they want an apology. But why is this the case? Is isn't just the words I'm sorry that we need to hear. We need the wrongdoer to take responsibility for his or her actions and we need to know that the wrongdoer feel regret or remorse for having harmed us.



After all, we need to learn how to give, receive, and asking for an apology. Apology reminds us that each person including ourselves deserves to be respected and treated fairly. It's important to realize that "I'm sorry" doesn't have to signal the end of the disscussion; in fact, in many cases, it should mean only the beginning. Think of an apology as the opening of the door. You can choose to walk through the door to another room where you and the wrongdoer can sit down and talk.



The ideal situation is a sincere apology, followed by a gracious acceptance and a healing disscussion. There are several things you, the recipient of the apology, can do to make the apology more personally meaningful, as well as to make it more possible for you to gain closure. Here are some suggestions :


  • Don't bottle up your feelings just because the other person apologized. If you are still angry or hurt, say so.
  • Don't assume you should be ready to forgive just because the other person apologized. Forgiveness often takes time.

  • Don't expect an apology to resolve the underlying reason why a person did something. If you feel the other person's actions had meaning that needs to be understood, suggest a further disscussion. For example, you might say, "I accept your apology, but I'd like to talk further about why you did what you did," or "I appreciate the apology, but I still have a problem with what you did."

  • Don't accept an apology just to make the other person feel better.

  • Don't accept what you experience as an insincere apology. Instead, suggest that you have a disscussion about why the apologist did what he or she did or how he or she can avoid repeating the behavior.


Silence Isn't Always Golden.

"Remaining silent instead of asking for an apology from those who have hurt you can cause as many problems in relationships as not apologizing when you have hurt someone"


As important as giving and receiving apologies is to our emotional and physical well-being, asking for an apology is equally important. Remaining silent, building up resentments, and distancing youself from others instead of letting them know how they have hurt you can cause as many problems as not apologizing when you have hurt someone. Even though you may pride yourself on your willingness and ability to admit when you are wrong and to apologiza when you've hurt others, if you aren't also able to let others know when you feel they owe you an apology will contribute to relationship problems as much as those who are unable or unwilling to apologize. To make matters worse, by not asking for the apologies you feel you are owed, you actually reinforce a non-apologizer's tendency to avoid taking the responsibility. With your silence you encourage others to continue treating you in inconsiderate, selfish, or even abusive ways.

By taking the first step and letting the person know how he or she hurt you, you show great courage and a willingness to talk things out. You give the other person important information about what you like and don't like so that he or she won't be likely to offend you again in the same way. And you will probably feel a lot better than you did when you were stewing about what the wrongdoer did and how he or she didn't even have the decendy to apologize.

Even if the person refuse to apologize, your efforts were not in vain. By speaking up, you are sending a strong message that you do no appreciate or approve of his or her behaviour. This unsually has an effect on people. Even if they are too proud to apologize or admit they were wrong, the average person will think twice before repeating the act in your presence. Those whoe continue to behave in the ways that make you uncomfortable are sending you a strong message. They are saying they don't respect your wishes and don't care about your feelings. When this happens, you now have valuable information about this person and your relationship. Whether you wish to act on it will be up to you, but if you respect yourself you will likely limit your relationship with this person.

p/s : actions speak louder than words.


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